Mother's Day

A message to husbands on Mother's day from the pen of a man who lived 165 years ago (way before the "feminist movement")  explaining to men, why their wife's may be unhappy in their role as wife's and mothers and it has nothing to do with their "glamorous dreams of personal glory."  The author explains that your wife's true unhappiness in her role as wife and mother is due to your inability to make her feel loved and appreciated.  Before you dismiss your wife's unhappiness to her rebellious heart and personal dreams of glory, examine yourself to see if you are taking her for granted and creating her misery.

A woman's hardest lot!(Timothy Shay Arthur, "Lovers and Husbands. A Story of Married Life" 1847)

No man is able fully to meet and reciprocate a true woman's love. The best of men, with all their willingness, with all their efforts, fail. There are deep places of her heart unreached--aching voids unfilled. And yet it is astonishing how small a return will seem to satisfy a woman, and make her heart glow with sunlight. A pleasant word, a tender look, a kiss of love--ah! these seem but small returns for the deep tenderness that ever burns in her bosom! And yet, alas! too often even these are withheld--and the selfish, reserved, cold, and at times morose "lord of creation," comes in and goes out daily--never dreaming that by this very coldness, reserve, and moroseness--he is breaking the heart of her who loves him better than her own life!

But it is ever so. Hundreds, thousands, yes, tens of thousands of wives, are performing their round of duties hourly and daily--unblessed by smiles that warm the bosom, or words that make the heart tremble with inner joy; while, all unconscious of their cruel indifference--those who provide fine houses, fine furniture, and fine garments for their victims, proudly imagine that they are the best of husbands!

Maiden--innocent, loving maiden!--do not turn away from this picture now, or else the time may come when you will seek to turn from it, and shall not be able. When one comes asking your love--know well if he is worthy of such love as you can give. Do not look alone at his attractive exterior; seek to know what ends actuate him. It is the loveliness of pure, high principles that remains verdant the longest--yes, forever verdant. These, and these alone, can make you permanently happy. Without them, an angel's grace, an angel's form would lose its attractions; with them, the plainest exterior soon grows beautiful to the eye of a loving wife. Lay this up in your heart; think of it in the morning, and when your head presses your pillow at night. It may save you from a woman's hardest lot--that of being bound for life to a man who does not even try to make her happy!

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You may want to read the whole of this 100 page insightful and practical story by Timothy Shay Arthur, "Lovers and Husbands. A Story of Married Life".

"Pre" - Pre-Marital Counseling

I want to suggest a new and different approach for all who are responsible for pre-marital counseling.  Let me share with you an approach which cuts to the chase and truly exposes a man's readiness for marriage by sharing this dialogue (which has been repeated so many times that I have lost count with the same result each time).  Here we go:

Young man:  "I really think she is the one for me."

Counselor:  "And why is that?  What is it about her that you love so much?"

Young man: "Well, she loves the Lord.  She is really easy to talk to.  In fact, we can talk for hours and hours.  I think she really understands me.  She has a good personality and my family seems to like her, as well.  We have a lot in common in terms of theology, music, etc."

Counselor:  "Let me ask you this.  Do you think she is pretty?"

Young man:  "Of course.  Isn't it important that we find each other physically attractive.  Isn't that important?"

Counselor:  "Ponder this:  If six month after you are married, your wife  is involved in a serious car accident where the car is engulfed in flames and she survives but is grossly disfigured by the accident to the point that she is actually hideous to look at (hideous!), would you still feel good about taking her out in public and introducing her as your wife?"  In other words, would you still feel the same as you do right now and still marry this woman if that happened to her tomorrow?

Young man: "WOW!  I don't think I am there yet."

In almost 100% of my encounters with young professing Christian men who think that they are "in love", this line of questioning has always ended with that same remark, "I don't think I'm there yet".  At least they are being honest.  But, let me be honest.  If you are not there yet, you are not ready to marry.

I can honestly tell you, and those who truly love their spouses can tell you, that no matter what might happen to my husbands outward appearance, I am "in love" with his soul.   My love is not based, one single iota, on how he looks.  He could be the most hideous looking man on earth and I would marry him all over again.

I would counsel young people, that if they cannot truly answer that question in the affirmative before they marry someone, they will make horrible spouses and will be ill-equipped to deal with the natural consequences of living in a fallen world.

Are my standards too high?