"Pre" - Pre-Marital Counseling

I want to suggest a new and different approach for all who are responsible for pre-marital counseling.  Let me share with you an approach which cuts to the chase and truly exposes a man's readiness for marriage by sharing this dialogue (which has been repeated so many times that I have lost count with the same result each time).  Here we go:

Young man:  "I really think she is the one for me."

Counselor:  "And why is that?  What is it about her that you love so much?"

Young man: "Well, she loves the Lord.  She is really easy to talk to.  In fact, we can talk for hours and hours.  I think she really understands me.  She has a good personality and my family seems to like her, as well.  We have a lot in common in terms of theology, music, etc."

Counselor:  "Let me ask you this.  Do you think she is pretty?"

Young man:  "Of course.  Isn't it important that we find each other physically attractive.  Isn't that important?"

Counselor:  "Ponder this:  If six month after you are married, your wife  is involved in a serious car accident where the car is engulfed in flames and she survives but is grossly disfigured by the accident to the point that she is actually hideous to look at (hideous!), would you still feel good about taking her out in public and introducing her as your wife?"  In other words, would you still feel the same as you do right now and still marry this woman if that happened to her tomorrow?

Young man: "WOW!  I don't think I am there yet."

In almost 100% of my encounters with young professing Christian men who think that they are "in love", this line of questioning has always ended with that same remark, "I don't think I'm there yet".  At least they are being honest.  But, let me be honest.  If you are not there yet, you are not ready to marry.

I can honestly tell you, and those who truly love their spouses can tell you, that no matter what might happen to my husbands outward appearance, I am "in love" with his soul.   My love is not based, one single iota, on how he looks.  He could be the most hideous looking man on earth and I would marry him all over again.

I would counsel young people, that if they cannot truly answer that question in the affirmative before they marry someone, they will make horrible spouses and will be ill-equipped to deal with the natural consequences of living in a fallen world.

Are my standards too high?

A Needed Word Regarding Singleness

Although I am married now, I often notice the unnapproving reaction, on so many peoples faces, when I tell them that I was not looking for a husband and that I was truly content in my singleness.  I can almost hear them thinking, "O, she obviously struggles with the sin of prideful self-suffienciency" or they roll their eyes with a grin on their face, and say, "Ya, right" as if they don't believe me .  I was so blessed to read this sermon by John Piper (excerpt below), which addresses this topic in a Christ exalting and truly biblical way.  What an encouragement to those who find they are content being single; but, are constantly having to question that contentment because of the influence of incorrect theology on the subject.

A Word to Singles

The apostle Paul clearly loved his singleness because of the radical freedom for ministry that it gave him (1 Corinthians 7:32–38). One of the reasons he was free to celebrate his singleness and call others to join him in it, is that, even though marriage is meant to display the glory of Christ, there are truths about Christ and his kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage. I’ll give you three examples:

1) A life of Christ-exalting singleness bears witness that the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ. If you never marry, and if you embrace a lifetime of chastity and biological childlessness, and if you receive this from the Lord’s hand as a gift with contentment, and if you gather to yourself the needy and the lonely, and spend yourself for the gospel without self-pity, because Christ has met your need, then he will be mightily glorified in your life, and particularly so because you are a woman.

2) A life of Christ-exalting singleness bears witness that relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families. The single woman who turns away from regretting the absence of her own family, and gives herself to creating God’s family in the church, will find the flowering of her womanhood in ways she never dreamed, and Christ will be uniquely honored because of it.

3) A life of Christ-exalting singleness bears witness that marriage is temporary, and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face to face. Marriage is a beautiful thing. But it is not the main thing. If it were, Jesus would not have said, “In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30). Single womanhood, content to walk with Christ, is a great witness that he is a better husband than any man, and in the end, will be the only husband in the universe.