Mother's Day

A message to husbands on Mother's day from the pen of a man who lived 165 years ago (way before the "feminist movement")  explaining to men, why their wife's may be unhappy in their role as wife's and mothers and it has nothing to do with their "glamorous dreams of personal glory."  The author explains that your wife's true unhappiness in her role as wife and mother is due to your inability to make her feel loved and appreciated.  Before you dismiss your wife's unhappiness to her rebellious heart and personal dreams of glory, examine yourself to see if you are taking her for granted and creating her misery.

A woman's hardest lot!(Timothy Shay Arthur, "Lovers and Husbands. A Story of Married Life" 1847)

No man is able fully to meet and reciprocate a true woman's love. The best of men, with all their willingness, with all their efforts, fail. There are deep places of her heart unreached--aching voids unfilled. And yet it is astonishing how small a return will seem to satisfy a woman, and make her heart glow with sunlight. A pleasant word, a tender look, a kiss of love--ah! these seem but small returns for the deep tenderness that ever burns in her bosom! And yet, alas! too often even these are withheld--and the selfish, reserved, cold, and at times morose "lord of creation," comes in and goes out daily--never dreaming that by this very coldness, reserve, and moroseness--he is breaking the heart of her who loves him better than her own life!

But it is ever so. Hundreds, thousands, yes, tens of thousands of wives, are performing their round of duties hourly and daily--unblessed by smiles that warm the bosom, or words that make the heart tremble with inner joy; while, all unconscious of their cruel indifference--those who provide fine houses, fine furniture, and fine garments for their victims, proudly imagine that they are the best of husbands!

Maiden--innocent, loving maiden!--do not turn away from this picture now, or else the time may come when you will seek to turn from it, and shall not be able. When one comes asking your love--know well if he is worthy of such love as you can give. Do not look alone at his attractive exterior; seek to know what ends actuate him. It is the loveliness of pure, high principles that remains verdant the longest--yes, forever verdant. These, and these alone, can make you permanently happy. Without them, an angel's grace, an angel's form would lose its attractions; with them, the plainest exterior soon grows beautiful to the eye of a loving wife. Lay this up in your heart; think of it in the morning, and when your head presses your pillow at night. It may save you from a woman's hardest lot--that of being bound for life to a man who does not even try to make her happy!

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You may want to read the whole of this 100 page insightful and practical story by Timothy Shay Arthur, "Lovers and Husbands. A Story of Married Life".

"Pre" - Pre-Marital Counseling

I want to suggest a new and different approach for all who are responsible for pre-marital counseling.  Let me share with you an approach which cuts to the chase and truly exposes a man's readiness for marriage by sharing this dialogue (which has been repeated so many times that I have lost count with the same result each time).  Here we go:

Young man:  "I really think she is the one for me."

Counselor:  "And why is that?  What is it about her that you love so much?"

Young man: "Well, she loves the Lord.  She is really easy to talk to.  In fact, we can talk for hours and hours.  I think she really understands me.  She has a good personality and my family seems to like her, as well.  We have a lot in common in terms of theology, music, etc."

Counselor:  "Let me ask you this.  Do you think she is pretty?"

Young man:  "Of course.  Isn't it important that we find each other physically attractive.  Isn't that important?"

Counselor:  "Ponder this:  If six month after you are married, your wife  is involved in a serious car accident where the car is engulfed in flames and she survives but is grossly disfigured by the accident to the point that she is actually hideous to look at (hideous!), would you still feel good about taking her out in public and introducing her as your wife?"  In other words, would you still feel the same as you do right now and still marry this woman if that happened to her tomorrow?

Young man: "WOW!  I don't think I am there yet."

In almost 100% of my encounters with young professing Christian men who think that they are "in love", this line of questioning has always ended with that same remark, "I don't think I'm there yet".  At least they are being honest.  But, let me be honest.  If you are not there yet, you are not ready to marry.

I can honestly tell you, and those who truly love their spouses can tell you, that no matter what might happen to my husbands outward appearance, I am "in love" with his soul.   My love is not based, one single iota, on how he looks.  He could be the most hideous looking man on earth and I would marry him all over again.

I would counsel young people, that if they cannot truly answer that question in the affirmative before they marry someone, they will make horrible spouses and will be ill-equipped to deal with the natural consequences of living in a fallen world.

Are my standards too high?

Modesty

Let us imagine an entire church where there was not a single woman, young or old, who was dressed in the least bit provocatively.  Could a Christian man attend this church on Sunday and not be caused to stumble?  Perhaps.  However, what happens as soon as he leaves the building when he is bombarded with passerby's, billboards, co-workers, etc?  Yes, women who wear the name of Christ should be concerned to reflect their Lord in an honorable way; both inside a church building and everyday they walk out of their home.  However, unless the local church decides to close their doors to everyone accept members who are mature enough in the Lord to dress modestly, men will need to look at themselves in regard to their struggles.

"A Sanctified Eye"

"Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus."

A man does not need to forever walk through life with blinders on in order to gain victory over his unholy lusts. In fact, as his mind and heart are gradually transformed by the Spirit of God through the Word of God, he finds that he can walk through this world with his eyes wide open and the things that were once stumbling blocks will have little to no power over him.

In fact, immoral things that once enticed him to sin, he will find as, not only unattractive to him, but actually nauseating. No "accountability group" can accomplish this; no amount of self discipline or behavior modification can accomplish this. Unless there is an inward transforming going on--a renewing of the mind; these "techniques" used to conquer lust will fail miserably every time. Until a man actually hates what used to entice him to sin, he will be a prisoner of it as long as he walks on this earth. Until he sees these things through a "sanctified eye" he will love them in all their ugliness.

Apply this to the so called "addiction to pornography" by professing Christians. A man whose mind is being transformed and renewed by God, will eventually feel nothing but sorrow and compassion for the women who are giving themselves to this industry. He would think of them as daughters to be rescued, not "things" to be used for his own sexual gratification. He would feel a righteous anger towards this entire industry. He would see it for the emptiness, ugliness, and animal like depravity that it truly is. He would see it as Christ sees it. Yes, this is possible and it is the only way that a man ever gains victory. As he is transformed by the Spirit through the Word, he will want to cover a woman's nakedness out of love for her, not "undress her with his eyes" and desire to defile her. Let us listen to Jonathan Edwards:

"When a holy and amiable action is suggested to the thoughts of a holy soul, that soul, if in the lively exercise of its spiritual taste, at once sees a beauty in it, and so inclines to it, and closes with it. On the contrary, if an unworthy, unholy action be suggested to it, its sanctified eye sees no beauty in it, and is not pleased with it; its sanctified taste relishes no sweetness in it, but on the contrary, it is nauseous to it."

"And as to a gracious leading of the Spirit, it consists in two things: partly in instructing a person in his duty by the Spirit, and partly in powerfully inducing him to comply with that instruction.

But so far as the gracious leading of the Spirit lies in instruction, it consists in a person's being guided by a spiritual and distinguishing taste of that which has in it true moral beauty. I have shown that spiritual knowledge primarily consists in a taste or relish of the amiableness and beauty of that which is truly good and holy: this holy relish is a thing that discerns and distinguishes between good and evil, between holy and unholy, without being at the trouble of a train of reasoning.

As he who has a true relish of external beauty, knows what is beautiful by looking upon it; he stands in no need of a train of reasoning about the proportion of the features, in order to determine whether that which he sees be a beautiful countenance or no; he needs nothing, but only the glance of his eye. He who has a rectified musical ear, knows whether the sound he hears be true harmony; he does not need first to be at the trouble of the reasonings of a mathematician about the proportion of the notes. He that has a rectified palate knows what is good food, as soon as he tastes it, without the reasoning of a physician about it.

There is a holy beauty and sweetness in words and actions, as well as a natural beauty in countenances and sounds, and sweetness in food: Job 12:11 , "Doth not the ear try words, and the mouth taste his meat?"

When a holy and amiable action is suggested to the thoughts of a holy soul, that soul, if in the lively exercise of its spiritual taste, at once sees a beauty in it, and so inclines to it, and closes with it. On the contrary, if an unworthy, unholy action be suggested to it, its sanctified eye sees no beauty in it, and is not pleased with it; its sanctified taste relishes no sweetness in it, but on the contrary, it is nauseous to it. Yea, its holy taste and appetite leads it to think of that which is truly lovely, and naturally suggests it; as a healthy taste and appetite naturally suggests the idea of its proper object.

Thus a holy person is led by the Spirit, as he is instructed and led by his holy taste and disposition of heart; whereby, in the lively exercise of grace, he easily distinguishes good and evil, and knows at once what is a suitable amiable behaviour towards God, and towards man, in this case and the other, and Judges what is right, as it were spontaneously, and of himself, without a particular deduction, by any other arguments than the beauty that is seen, and goodness that is tasted.

Thus Christ blames the Pharisees, that they "did not, even of their own selves, judge what was right," without needing miracles to prove it, Luke 12:57 . The apostle seems plainly to have respect to this way of judging of spiritual beauty, in Rom. 12:2: "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and perfect, and acceptable will of God."

Jonathan Edwards

Piper on Wimpy Women

Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. That’s my assumption that I bring to this evening. Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in away that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ.


Wimpy theology is plagued by woman-centeredness and man-centeredness. Wimpy theology doesn’t have the granite foundation of God’s sovereignty or the solid steel structure of a great God-centered purpose for all things.

My assumption is that wimpy theology makes wimpy women. And I don’t like wimpy women. I didn’t marry a wimpy woman. And with Noël, I am trying to raise my daughter Talitha, who turns 13 on Saturday, not to be a wimpy woman.

Marie Durant

The opposite of a wimpy woman is not a brash, pushy, loud, controlling, sassy, uppity, arrogant Amazon. The opposite of a wimpy woman is 14-year-old Marie Durant, a French Christian in the 17th century who was arrested for being a Protestant and told she could be released if she said one phrase: “I abjure.” Instead, wrote on the wall of her cell, “Resist,” and stayed there 38 years until she died, doing just that (Karl Olsson, Passion, [New York: Harper and Row Publishers, 1963], 116–117).

Gladys and Esther Staines

The opposite of a wimpy woman is Gladys Staines who in 1999, after serving with her husband Graham in India for three decades learned that he and their two sons, Phillip (10) and Timothy (6), had been set on fire and burned alive by the very people they had served for 34 years, said, “I have only one message for the people of India. I’m not bitter. Neither am I angry. Let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ’s love.”

The opposite of a wimpy woman is her 13-year-old daughter Esther (rightly named!) who said, when asked how she felt about her father’s murder, “I praise the Lord that He found my father worthy to die for Him.”

Krista and Vicki

The opposite of a wimpy woman is Krista and Vicki who between them have had over 65 surgeries because of so-called birth defects, Apert Syndrome and Hypertelorism, and who testify today through huge challenges, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”; and this: “Even though my life has been difficult, I know that God loves me and created me just the way I am. He has taught me to persevere and to trust Him more than anything.”

Joni Eareckson Tada

The opposite of a wimpy woman is Joni Eareckson Tada who has spent the last 41 years in a wheel chair, and prays, “Oh, thank you, thank you for this wheel chair! By tasting hell in this life, I’ve been driven to think seriously about what faces me in the next. This paralysis is my greatest mercy” (Christianity Today, January, 2004, 50).

Suzie

The opposite of a wimpy woman is Suzie who lost her husband four years ago at age 59, found breast cancer three months later, then lost her mom and writes, “Now I see that I have been crying for the wrong kind of help. I now see, that my worst suffering is my sin—my sin of self-centeredness and self-pity. . . . I know that with His grace, his lovingkindess, and his merciful help, my thoughts can be reformed and my life conformed to be more like His Son.”

Read the entire address here